Pages of her diary
by Cailen89
Summary: These are pages of Hermione's diary, find out what's happening in her life right now.
1. out after dark

A page of Hermione's diary after an eventful night.

Dear diary,

I don't know what happened, if something happened. I have a boyfriend, I love him to death I can't hurt him, I won't and I just simply can't. He's the best thing that's happened to me since.. Well since ever.. How could I betray him like this, I don't know if I'm supposed to feel guilty, nothing really happened, but somehow everything has changed, everything just feels, seems different. Nothing happened but something did. It was so very wrong, but it felt so right, how could it feel wrong and right at the same time. I wanted to be with him, kiss him, but I didn't. I couldn't. I already felt guilty for feeling so comfortable just leaning against him, running my fingers through his hair, laying my head in the crook of his neck. Smelling his cologne, he smelled delicious, he felt delicious. I wanted to kiss him, taste him, our lips touched so brief. He wanted it too, but I knew it was wrong and I couldn't. I don't know why but he doubted to kiss me, I've never seen him doubting to kiss anyone, why did he doubt, was he afraid I would step back, turn my head. Cause honestly I don't know if I would've, it just all felt so right, like somehow this was meant to happen. But I'm not like that. So why can't I get him out of my head, out of my dreams, I can't stop thinking about the feel of his lips brushing against mine, so soft, it was erotic, sexual and it wasn't even a kiss! Why did I love running my fingers through his hair, down his neck, sniffing up his cologne as my lips softly touched the skin of his neck giving him goose bumps. Why do I love to have that effect on him. He held me, he hugged me he squeezed me even, but why, I don't understand why, I can't get the look he had in his eyes out of my head. He looked so desperate, like he was longing for it, but that can't be. He can have anyone he wants. He changes girlfriends weekly. I need to forget about him, about all of it, It'll only hurt me in the end. It meant nothing, and somehow it's everything.

Love,

H.G.

**AN. **This is the first in this "serie" I don't know if many will follow, let me know if you want more pages of her diary, please r&r


	2. Feelings change

**AN. **I hope you like this second entry, and I'm hoping on some R&R, I hope you guys enjoy this. Please let me know what you thing, Love Kiwi!

Dear diary,

It's been a few days, and my feelings are changing, my feelings towards my boyfriend that is, I don't know why, I don't understand. I love him so much, we used to laugh so much, we always had fun, we talked, we understood each other, never did we fight. I always felt butterflies when I knew he was coming over, even after we'd been together for over half a year. When did they stop coming? I can't remember. When did we stop having fun, laughing. Why don't I know? I just can't wrap my head around this, I can't look this up in a book, there is no one who can explain this to me. I just lost my status as miss-know-it-all. We fight, all the time, about the stupidest things, he's blaming me, I'm blaming him. I'm being a nag, he says, whining and complaining about everything, and he's constantly putting me down, blaming me. I can't even remember when all this fighting started, I'm not sure how much longer I can take this. All this fighting, it's exhausting, annoying, and not helping on my earlier issues. And it's not just that, kissing him doesn't feel the same. Lying in bed with him, it's comfortable, but no more than that, I don't feel the need to hold him as close as I can anymore. I don't feel the urge to jump him when I haven't seen him for a week anymore. It's like all those feelings just disappeared, and it's not fair, I love him, I don't want to hurt him, I want to stay in love with him, I want to want him. I just want things back to the way they were. Why can't it just be like that again, when I was on cloud nine whenever I thought of him, when him kissing me would sent shivers down my spine and would leave me longing for more, so much more. When being with him wouldn't feel awkward, when I would be excited all day if I were to see him at night, instead of dreading his visit in fear of this awkwardness. 'Cause I'm afraid that I'm going to have to break his heart one day, and I don't know if I can, even if that means I'll be, less happy. I'm not unhappy, it just doesn't feel right. I can only hope eventually everything will turn out okay. Till then it'll be our little secret. My deepest darkest secret.

H.G.

**AN.** What's coming up next, where are her feelings taking her.


	3. Decision Time

Dear Diary,

It's been a while since I last wrote you,, so much has happened, we have fought and we made up. But it's never been the same, not since I realized. I've been so confused, I don't know what to do, we've been on a break of some sort, not seeing each other, having fun with friends. Though I'm afraid I might have had to much fun with a friend.. I feel awful. I can't believe I let that happen. It felt right though, I felt loved even though it had nothing to do with love. It was just what it was, sex, passion, fun. He made me feel beautiful, amazing, sexy, hot,, all of that, it was amazing Diary. We were going clubbing, and we were dancing all night, it was hot, erotic, we were drinking and it just happened. He kissed me, and not just some stupid small kiss it was a feel it through my bones, shivers down my spine, start my juices flowing kind of kiss. It was just dripping with passion, lust and a need for each other. There's just no other way to describe it. You can probably tell what happened when we got home. It was amazing, it was hot, it was good, really good, it was all night. For real not kidding we went on for hours and we fell asleep together. It wasn't even weird the next morning, it was just like one of those things that just has to happen. I did feel guilty though, and I still do, but I guess it made me realize. Because it made me see clearly, that I needed more than what my boyfriend has been giving me, he never made me feel beautiful, smart or sexy, none of them. It was weird how a stranger, oh well someone I'd only seen once before then, it's weird how he made me see that. But he did and I'm glad he did. I'm going to go see my boyfriend now, it's time to be honest.. at least about the way I feel. It's not fair to him or to myself to stay with him when it's clearly not making me happy, and how am I supposed to make him happy when I'm not happy myself. So I guess the next time I'll be writing you as a single woman again.

Love,

H.G.


End file.
